The problem with beginning-of-year lists

As everyone gets whipped into that incredulous frenzy involving the musical picks of the new year - with the NME giving us an entire issue of new-ish bands - it's very easy for us all to criticise. Yet, at the risk of being both hypocritical and surplus to requirements, I feel the need to spill forth some garbled words motivated by anger, frustration and a wish to shake off this malaise.

It all starts, of course, with the BBC Sound of 2010 poll. Immediately anyone who knows anything about music 'buzz' and the way these things work knew that Ellie Goulding would emerge as the winner. Who comes after that first placing doesn't really matter. They'll do okay out of it anyway. Why will they do okay? Well because once the BBC has raised the baton, it's snatched by every publication going, fighting over it - pushing, pulling, gnashing teeth - trying to go one further in attempting to grasp that vital advertising money from the record companies.

So it is that we see Ellie Goulding splashed everywhere like a bucket of blood thrown onto printing presses throughout the land. Not just her of course. Here's a definitive list of who will appear in your magazines and on your websites for the next 12 months: Marina and the Diamonds, Hurts, Giggs, Everything Everything, Gold Panda, Joy Orbison, Frankie & the Heartstrings, The Drums...do I go on? Is this really worth my time? It's going to happen anyway so why not just let those who feast on this sort of activity go ahead and fill their boots?

Well, perhaps it's motivated by the next exercise in pushing samecore. The MAMMA group/HMV sponsored music festival The Next Big Thing (perhaps the most hilarious and hopefully unaware moniker for any music related event ever)has just announced the majority of its draws for the lineup. Naturally I had to check out every act on there. Two tracks each for as long as I can stand or feel necessary to grasp what the act is trying to convey and this includes music I had already dismissed previously. Hey, they may have changed direction (read: improved) in the last six months!
So this is what I learnt from my time sifting through this aural pig swill.

Basically, each time I heard something from the list of acts playing, I wanted to do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPsXRiV6yo4

There were a few exceptions, most of which I was already aware of. Hail the survivors: First Aid Kit, Jesca Hoop, Krystal Warren, Ellie Goulding (yeah I know), Sweet Billy Pilgrim....and none of them are particularly great. That's out of sixty possible acts. Isn't that depressing?

How about the NME Radar mixtape? I'm listening to this now and DELETING the tracks which anger me the most. 1st to go - Frankie & The Heartstrings lacklustre boring indie jangle. Time to burn your guitars lads and get some synths.
2nd - Kindness. You made me laugh lots. Your music is hilarious.
3rd - Hurts: you haven't played a gig or released anything. You're the weakest link you cunts.
4th - Music Go Music, went.
5th - Sharks. You are pretty generic and boring.
6th - Chapel Club. Are you taking the piss? Hold your heads up and speed up a bit then you won't sound like you're walking on a featureless landscape.
7th - Delphic. You aren't completely useless but you are completely mediocre.
8th - The Drums. Thought they'd be first. It was the second listen though that made me realise just how fucking shit they are. Don't think I fully grasped it at first. I was too shocked.
The survivors then.
Egyptian Hip Hop - like the lofi party vibe going on and the weird minimalism on the verses where hardly anything is going on. The voices are mismatched and awkward. They also said in an interview that they have no idea what they'll sound like at the end of the year. Brilliant news.
Ellie Goulding - coz she's far better than La Roux even if her Bon Iver cover is horrible.
Everything Everything - because I've been tipping them for a while now and this is unashamed yet complex party-pop. Rather confusingly brilliant. Think Talking Heads versus Battles. I can't believe I just wrote that. *punches self*
Joy Orbison - a name that's been banded about for a while, his mixtapes are great and this track is pretty gritty yet floaty. Yum.
Darwin Deez - inoffensive, and actually a bit more than that. Quite lovely to listen to, without much pretense. I like stars and constellations too.
Giggs - COZ HE SCARES ME. Nah, I think it's got something about it which transcends the usual uk hip-hop bollocks.
Marina and the Diamonds - deep voice which is pretty striking and actually reminds me of Amanda Palmer, which is a great thing. Bit more subversive than the 'new diva' type female acts we had last year.
Washed Out - like the anti-Salem; the same treacle like feel, but on clouds instead of hanging from the back of a taxi.
Avett Brothers - What?! They've been around for AGES! Still they're ace americana type stuff with a real violent delivery. Excellent.
Magnetic Man - menacing electro sounds which only really gives a snippet of the trio's individual genius. They will get better.
Theophilus London - ambient-beat led rap. It's just good feelin's innit.
Surfer Blood - that huge echo sound is still addictive and the chorus to this song has been ringing around my head for a while even though I fear it's just jock rock in a cave.

Not bad NME. Not bad. Though none of these bands are what I'd call essential, barring Everything Everything who are pretty special.

You'll have to wait a bit before I tell you exactly who I think is essential. It'll be fun.